I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
