we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
