I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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