it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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