just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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