He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
