matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
