You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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