end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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