As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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