Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
