just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
