Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
