Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
