my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
