the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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