her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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