i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
