just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
