It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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