I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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