Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
