hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
