We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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