when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
