Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
