i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
