Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
