Betty ford says i'm here all night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
