i don't like sucking hair
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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