just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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