i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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