so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
