blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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