when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
birth control should be required to get into college
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize