i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
