i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
