i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
