I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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