Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
