suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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