saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
