the only muscles i have these days is kegels
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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