Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
