I cockslap morals
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
