Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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