Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
