btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
