Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
