i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
