We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
